if you would have to leave at 66….

…isn’t crazy ? if you have to leave at 66….

If you can’t get rid of an idea, Life tell’s you to do so…
I can’t let go of one specific idea.

Beside of transforming homes into castles I want to become an author as well.

Since many years I started to write. Write down my story. Of course this sounds absolutely crazy – but one of my very close friends told me more than once;

hey Michelle, you should go viral with your blog posts. Okay….well maybe I should start them. One of my epic and most emotional stories I will share tonight only with you.

It is one of a kind story.
A story, where you should get some tissues. I do not tipe this to attract more attention, but, I know, if you can relate to the story, it will touch or even hit you.

The waves of the ocean came in and the sand swalloed them. It was more or less 12 years ago. I was on the beach. My toes were covered by black sand, the sun downer in my hand, my mobile phone had 9% of battery. A few minutes later my stomach told me; „Michelle, this is serious and no good news“. I had to agree. No doubts. I felt aweful.

Breast cancer.
At 55.
My mom.
Our mom.

She did everything for everyone.

She = happy, a beautiful woman from inside out, a person to love.
Her life purpose ? Satisfaction. For everyone.

Everyone around her has to be happy, satisfaid and have eaten enough. Italian heritage…pizza and pasta for everyone.

Before she ever thought about herself, she thought about anyone around her.

She was the one of a kind.
The one you would have wished for.
All at once.
A friend.
A Mum.
A loving wife.

… and the most wonderful grand mum you ever imagine.

Never ever she would have admitted her pain.
Her mission was clear.
Life has to be lived within happiness – whatever the price would be.
She paid the highest price. Her life.

I know not everyone would agree on this post, unless her.
She would have loved it.
Or in my world; „she loves it, because she never really left. She just transformed into another space“.

3 weeks before she passed away I had the most wonderful and most honest and scareful talk with her.
Covered by cozy warm covers beside a glass of italian white wine ( Pinot grigio, to be precise ) she was on her prefederd place on her hurrible red couch, where I asked her upfront about death and change in life.

I wanted to be clear as I knew there will be never another opportunity to ask her this question in this clear athmosphere.

Mummy, you rather prefer to die, then to change anything in your life – correct ?

Silence.

Tears.

She looked at me, took her glass.

Yes. I am afraid to change. I do not want to change anything as as I do not know what will be. I stick to the facts I see with my eyes.

*

As a first born, there were no words for a „correct“ reply.

She passed away three weeks later and she was upset. Dissapointed. Sad. She was not ready for this change into another „world“ and wasn’t ready to leave.

Her frustration was obvious.
I open up the door into her hospital room and the first thing she told me; „this is absolutely not what I was looking for, this is shit. I will not make it, can you take care of everything please….

No one else got this message. Just me.

Anything else than a „YES of course“ would have been beyond.

*

Today I know why.

She would have loved my mission. I help other women to trust themselve more then ever!
She was and is proud of me.

I am more than grateful to have experienced her love, her courage, her drive, her action taking mentality and her LOVE in my life.

She was this Mum, you would imagine in Hollywood movies. The one, who can read your mind even if you do not want to, the best Mum ever and if she can read this – she would send me a text message with; so fantastic what you do!

My business is all about change. Most of you changing from outside – but there is a change inside which will take place!

Proud of what I am doing and of my community.

xxx

Michelle

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